Salutations populace of Dawson,
The big news in the world this week is WikiLeaks. Most people I know think the founder of this website, Julian Assange, is a hero for bringing the dark secrets of world governments to light. Others, mostly those who were embarrassed by the memos, think he is a traitor for exposing sensitive diplomatic exchanges; some have even called for his assassination. I will leave that argument to others. The morale of that story is that if you don’t want to be embarrassed, don’t write nasty stories about someone behind their backs.
This is why I have always loved the Plant. When I have something nasty to say about someone, I put it in my headlines. I have personally insulted many budding Dawson actors in my theatre reviews; I have crucified so-called art exhibits in my articles; I have assassinated characters (but only metaphorically). And, in turn, I have also been assassinated, (also, thankfully, metaphorically) for doing so. This honesty and transparency is what makes our Dawson society so strong. Let’s hope we never return to a grade school culture of gossip in the washroom, or like so many US “diplomats” exposed in the WikiLeaks’ memos.
This is my last letter as Editor-in-Chief. I guess many people would take the opportunity to write a letter parting their ways with Dawson and the Plant; somewhat of a tearful farewell. It would thank everyone for all the great memories and hours spent sharing a beer or collaborating on a team project. It would make light of stressing out on exams or working after midnight on Plant issues.
However, I don’t see this as a goodbye. We both knew from the start what our relationship was going to be: quick and easy. Maybe we both got attached to each other but, sadly, most relationships don’t last forever. What more is there to say? On that note, I leave you with one more memory of mine from Dawson.
On that, I will say big up to all the great memories and people that crossed my path while at Dawson: All the good teachers, the cool classmates, the PARC staff and last but not least, the Plant club space…
Stay classy, Dawson…Word to your mothers!
Samuel Lavigne Schmidt
P.S. Shout out to Anna Frey the newly appointed Editor-in-Chief. You’re cool…I guess.
Blues start off slow, rally later to earn a comeback victory
By Carl Perks
Last Friday, the Dawson AAA basketball team defeated the Montmorency Nomads with a tight 71 to 60. The game was played on Dawson grounds, which at first did not give the Blues any advantage, forcing them to put in better players and effort into the third quarter.
‘‘We started the game pretty slow. That helped them maintain their advantage against us in our home gym. After the second half we made a few adjustments in the locker room and placed probably one of our best scoring outputs in the third quarter,” said Peter Walcott, assistant coach for the team.
Dawson’s team knew that Montmorency would be stiff competition. The head coach, Wayne Yearwood, predicted: ‘‘they are a good team: they are going to put on a lot of pressure, they are going to run up and down, they are going to shoot a lot of threes.”
One of the captains of the team, Christopher Joseph, claims that the opposite team’s technique was counteracted by sheer desire for victory: ‘‘They played alright but they still have work to do, the same way that we have work to do. We just figured that we have to get in and that we have to want it more than they do. And in the end, we pretty much wanted it more.’’
Walcott, on the other hand, believes that it is practice and skill that defeated the Nomads: ‘‘We pressured them well: we are just as aggressive as they are. We got to meet their aggressiveness with our own aggressiveness, if we didn’t, they would have that over us. But everything we did well was what we practiced all week and it showed in the third quarter.’’
Montmorency are known for their hostility and as Yearwood predicted for his team, the Blues counteracted with a great defence. Joseph explains: ‘‘We did pretty good. We played allot of defence. You need defence in these games.’’
Photo by Corado Burcus
Dawson’s AA Women’s hockey team lose in their final game before the winter break
By Chris Pike
The AA women’s hockey team lost last Saturday against the Limoilou Titans by a score of 2-1.
The game remained rather close through all three periods as Gabrielle Davidson scored the one goal for the Blues off a nice pass by Katia Murray.
The Blues took the game into overtime, but the Titans goalie Joannie Lebrun, was too much for Dawson as she managed to hold off any attempts made on her net.
Three minutes in the extra frame Limoilou managed to sneak one past Dawson’s netminder Melanie Fournier to win the game.
Dawson enters the winter break sitting comfortably in third place with a record of 8-4-1.
The Blues resume their season against Cégep Saint Laurent on Sunday Jan 16.
Afghanistan’s national sport has it all, flags, horses and a beheaded, partly dismembered, frozen and then thawed calf carcass
By Carl Perks
Polo players should saddle off their high horse and go take a nap. Not only is Buzkashi the Godzilla to its cowering little Japanese businessman, the technical proficiency and equestrian mastery required to play puts competitors in other popular saddle sports to shame.
Maliciously confirming every single negative stereotype about Arabian culture, two mounted teams of drape-clad riders fend off opponents’ boot kicks and whip lashes in attempt to restle a beheaded, partly dismembered, frozen and then thawed calf carcass to a flag, from which they throw it into a tub called the ‘‘Circle of Justice’’ to score points to the many cheers of a fully male audience.
PETA is probably present somewhere under the stands, sobbing and biting their nails to the cuticles.
I firmly believe that the lack of women in the crowd is principally due to a fulfilment of a deep rooted need for demonstrating testosterone levels before it is of any religious attendance restrictions.
Being the national sport of Afghanistan, players but an extravagant amount of training into Buzkashi: players train all year, for years, until they may become a master (called chapandaz). Most chapandaz are over forty years of age.
However, Buzkashi is not only played in Arab nations. China also participates in the sport. The Chinese have also put their own special spin on Buzkashi as they sometimes ride yaks instead of horses.
Unfortunately Buzkashi took a significant hit for a long time in Afghanistan as world renowned destroyers of anything fun, the Taliban, outlawed the game citing that it was uncivilized and immoral to practice it. Much to the joy of many people, when the Taliban regime was ousted, Buzkashi became acceptable again and has been continously growing in popularity ever since.
The horses used for the game also undergo rigorous training as they must learn to stay static when their master is being toppled over by another player and to gallop at full speed the second the athlete riding them has his hands on the calf. These horse can sell for up to 15 000 U.S. dollars.
Poorly reflecting on the variety of entertainment offered in the regions, games can go on for days until a certain point limit is reached, demonstrating the unworldly stamina of the draped athletes and their horses but also their severe determination to win an often meagre prize in goats and food.
You might remember Buzkashi from Rambo 3, where Stallone casually plays with his mujahideen friends when the game is interrupted by a sudden ambush from the Russian Army, don’t you hate when that happens?
Since this is my last column, I decided to write it the original way it was intended. I’d also like to thank whoever it is that reads this. I leave with you one of my more popular columns with some revisions.
Starting a conversation with a random girl you’ve never meet before is potentially one of the most stressful things you can ask a guy to do, but it doesn’t have to be. If you go into these interactions expecting nothing you’re never disappointed. Now let’s get you laid:
1) SPOT YOUR GIRL
When you’re looking for your target, pay close attention to what they’re wearing. Girls put themselves together specifically to look their best, so respect and appreciate that because if you do, you can use it to your advantage. From my experience loose clothing is murky water, mainly because you can never really gage how thin she is, you may be disappointed later when you realize that she’s huge. Another thing to look out for is the push up bra. Usually this is a really good sign of someone who’s DTF. However there are an equal amount of girls wearing these bras to compensate for something they don’t like about themselves and emphasize their boobs so boys just look at that and forget the rest. There’s also always the rare case that a girl just has a great set of titties and wants to share them with the world.
2) INITIATE THE INTERACTION
Take a deep breath, walk over and say: “What’s your name?” If she tells you her name go in for a hand shake and introduce yourself. Stay confident if you lose that then it’s already over. Right now your focus should be being as charming and interesting as possible.
3) SMALL TALK
Ask her what she’s drinking. You can tell a lot about a girl by what she’s drinking. If she’s drinking stuff like: Sex on The Beach/Vodka Cranberry, Orange/Amaretto Sour/Cosmo and all those girly drinks that you as a male would never drink in public unless you were dinning at a Mexican restaurant or at an all inclusive resort, then it means she’s most likely DTF. If this girl is drinking something like a Gin & Tonic/Vodka on the rocks/Manhattan/Martini she’s probably more sophisticated and thus harder to reach her pants, but all the more worthwhile. Girls that drink beer get drunk really fast so stay close to them as a fall back to your original plan.
Make an effort to compliment her, but take a second to think of something pertinent rather than cheesy. Girls only like cheesy when they’re in relationships. If you put cheese out now, you’re going to get rejected.
4) KEEPING HER INTERESTED & PROGRESSIVE PLANNING
So, you guys have spoken it’s time to step things up, ask what brings her to wherever you guys are. Chances are she’s out with some of her friends. Now I don’t know if you’re aware of this but girls genuinely enjoy talking about their best girlfriends, so ask her which one is her best friend and then ask her why she’s her best friend. This is where you shut up, listen actively and you pretend to give two fucks about what she’s saying. You should follow this up with comparisons of awesome times with your friends. This will most likely lead to storytelling and laughing.
Now that we’ve got her interested, it’s time to plan a course of action in the unfortunate event that this doesn’t work. If you’re willing, buy a round of shots for her and her friends. This way you’ll have more chicks to choose from and fall back on.
5) GET YOURSELF AND YOUR TARGET MILDLY WASTED
Booze makes things easier, weed doesn’t. There aren’t a lot of hot girls that blaze often. If you find one, jump on the opportunity, they’re the best time ever! Also if you do smoke weed and find a bid to smoke with, play up the knowledgeable stoner card, never fails. On the other hand, if you find a hot girl that doesn’t usually smoke and you two go off and burn a spliff, just know she may pass out on you.
6) BRINGING HER HOME
Guys, if you live with your parents, don’t be scared to bring her home, nail her and have her leave after. You may be thinking: “But my parents are going to be mad!” Shut up and be a man. Your parents can’t forbid you from having sex. However, if you go to the girl’s house and she lives with her parents then make sure you’re quiet. Her dad and or brothers will not be pleased with you fucking the shit out of their innocent little jewl.
USE A CONDOM
Cans, Rack, Melons, Fun Bags, Floatation Devices, Jugs, Tits, Breasts… Whatever you want to call them, Dahlia talks about them.
By Dahlia Belinsky
I’ve wanted to talk about this topic for a long time Dawsonites. It’s one close to my heart and affects everyone. Boobs. Straight up Dawson I’m going to be discussing boobs.
First off, there is no right size. Some people follow the Nose Rule, where if a girl walks into a wall and her boobs hit the wall before her nose she’s dateable and others say more than handful is a waste. For the record, I’m not an AA cup trying to make myself feel better so fuck off, I’ll say it again, there is no right size. Every person has a preference.
Anyone whose ever had a girlfriend or have a set of their own, know how much fun a boob can be. It’s like playing with a water balloon that won’t burst and get you all wet (haha, see what I did there?). As someone who graduated from a private all girls’ catholic school, there wasn’t much to do to pass the time without your teacher yelling at you. So, some of us (fuck that, all of us actually) would just poke each other’s boobs. Then the male teacher would give you these awkward looks. A look that’s asking you to stop without actually saying it out loud. However because they’re looking at you they seem creepy.
Except of course, each size has a benefit and a downfall.
Big boobs are transportable pillows. When I actually go to my classes and I’m tried all I want to do is rest my head on a pillow. Well I can’t. I left it at home, so the next best thing? Boob pillow, which is arguably better. On top of that your forearms will be covering your face and boobs so no one can see that you’re actually keeping your nose warm between them.
You can’t drown. It’s simple transitive properties. Fat floats and boobs are mostly, if not all, fat. This means girls with big boobs can’t drown. You Jelly?
However, when you’re PMSing, for most people your boobs will grow exponentially for a week, but it hurts so much you can’t even put on your bra without wanting to cry. Generally the bigger the boobs, the more painful. This pain in a million times worse than back pain and the two together will cause you kill yourself.
Also, bras are expensive. Girls that are DD and bigger can’t just go to the sales bin at lasenza and buy the cute polka dot with the front clip and cross back all for 3$. No, this is a traitorous and painful journey that can take hours and over 100$. The worst is that they’re very rarely cute, just solid black, white, and skin color. If you’re lucky you can get some lace! Fucking wild.
In case you didn’t already know, boobs are something you can’t look away from straight, gay, girl, boy, whatever. So when you wear a low cut top or a push up bra, don’t be surprised if people are staring. You are asking for it. The worst thing in the world is a girl, who says, “I have a face.” Yes you do, but your boobs are way nicer so if you didn’t want people to stare you should put on something that’s not from Le Garage. Also, the rule to wearing a low cut top is your friends have every right to play basketball with your cleavage, unless it’s food that like can melt, that’s just disgusting.
Finally, if you’re wearing a push up bra and a low cut top AND complaining about people staring, just shut the fuck up. No one likes you and you’re a dirty attention whore. The only time this is acceptable is when you go out. If I ever see anyone do this at school I will personally remove the padding and shove it down your throat.