CHAUD LAPIN for one last time :(


Since this is my last column, I decided to write it the original way it was intended. I’d also like to thank whoever it is that reads this. I leave with you one of my more popular columns with some revisions.

Starting a conversation with a random girl you’ve never meet before is potentially one of the most stressful things you can ask a guy to do, but it doesn’t have to be. If you go into these interactions expecting nothing you’re never disappointed. Now let’s get you laid:


When you’re looking for your target, pay close attention to what they’re wearing. Girls put themselves together specifically to look their best, so respect and appreciate that because if you do, you can use it to your advantage. From my experience loose clothing is murky water, mainly because you can never really gage how thin she is, you may be disappointed later when you realize that she’s huge. Another thing to look out for is the push up bra. Usually this is a really good sign of someone who’s DTF. However there are an equal amount of girls wearing these bras to compensate for something they don’t like about themselves and emphasize their boobs so boys just look at that and forget the rest. There’s also always the rare case that a girl just has a great set of titties and wants to share them with the world.


Take a deep breath, walk over and say: “What’s your name?” If she tells you her name go in for a hand shake and introduce yourself. Stay confident if you lose that then it’s already over. Right now your focus should be being as charming and interesting as possible.


Ask her what she’s drinking. You can tell a lot about a girl by what she’s drinking. If she’s drinking stuff like: Sex on The Beach/Vodka Cranberry, Orange/Amaretto Sour/Cosmo and all those girly drinks that you as a male would never drink in public unless you were dinning at a Mexican restaurant or at an all inclusive resort, then it means she’s most likely DTF. If this girl is drinking something like a Gin & Tonic/Vodka on the rocks/Manhattan/Martini she’s probably more sophisticated and thus harder to reach her pants, but all the more worthwhile. Girls that drink beer get drunk really fast so stay close to them as a fall back to your original plan.

Make an effort to compliment her, but take a second to think of something pertinent rather than cheesy. Girls only like cheesy when they’re in relationships. If you put cheese out now, you’re going to get rejected.


So, you guys have spoken it’s time to step things up, ask what brings her to wherever you guys are. Chances are she’s out with some of her friends. Now I don’t know if you’re aware of this but girls genuinely enjoy talking about their best girlfriends, so ask her which one is her best friend and then ask her why she’s her best friend. This is where you shut up, listen actively and you pretend to give two fucks about what she’s saying. You should follow this up with comparisons of awesome times with your friends. This will most likely lead to storytelling and laughing.

Now that we’ve got her interested, it’s time to plan a course of action in the unfortunate event that this doesn’t work. If you’re willing, buy a round of shots for her and her friends. This way you’ll have more chicks to choose from and fall back on.


Booze makes things easier, weed doesn’t. There aren’t a lot of hot girls that blaze often. If you find one, jump on the opportunity, they’re the best time ever! Also if you do smoke weed and find a bid to smoke with, play up the knowledgeable stoner card, never fails. On the other hand, if you find a hot girl that doesn’t usually smoke and you two go off and burn a spliff, just know she may pass out on you.


Guys, if you live with your parents, don’t be scared to bring her home, nail her and have her leave after. You may be thinking: “But my parents are going to be mad!” Shut up and be a man. Your parents can’t forbid you from having sex. However, if you go to the girl’s house and she lives with her parents then make sure you’re quiet. Her dad and or brothers will not be pleased with you fucking the shit out of their innocent little jewl.



One response to “CHAUD LAPIN for one last time :(

  1. WTF is DTF?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s