NEWS BITES

By Dahlia Belinski

Farmer Michel Rouyer, living on France’s Atlantic coast, was arrested for being in possession of 12 cannabis plants, which measures about 5kg. He has been sentenced to one month in jail on top of paying a $700 fine. Rouyer has been feeding the weed to his ducks to rid them of worms and his flock was extremely healthy because of it. If you’re ever caught with marijuana don’t use that tired excuse, “I was holding it for someone,” instead try I was using it to ‘deworm’ my ducks.
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Jordan McDowell, a 13-year-old girl from Ireland died after inhaling the helium from a balloon at her birthday party. McDowell’s death came as a complete shock as the dangers of helium are not well known. People think teenage parties are dangerous with alcohol and drugs; meanwhile turns out I’m in more danger at my baby cousins’ birthday parties. I made it a point to suck the helium out of all the balloons so I can speak with a high-pitched voice…uh oh.

Indonesian pop star Nazril Irham is on trial for his alleged role in a sex tape he filmed with his girlfriend and a soap opera star. All three deny any involvement, even though only Irham is facing charges. Too bad there’s no footage available to see who was in the video, then we could see who was in the sex tape. Oh wait.

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Two coffin makers in Germany are trying appeal to the gay market by selling coffins with naked men on them. Their prized piece is a coffin with muscular naked men inspired by Italian Renaissance paintings. As a heterosexual female, I too can say I would like naked men all over my coffin. Just as I’m sure lesbians and straight men would like naked women all over their coffin. I don’t see why gay men are the target market here.

Kristina Ross, a woman from Idaho has been fined $100,000 for posing as a doctor and tricking at least two women into giving them breast exams. This did not take place at a doctor’s office where one might be fooled, but rather at a bar and nightclub.  Was she dancing up on a girl and then told them, “You seem to have a lump, I think you could use a breast exam!” What’s worse is that this worked more than once.

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Steven Cowan, a man from Wisconsin, shot his TV when Dancing with the Stars announced that Bristol Palin would be in the show’s finals. Most fans are also furious that Palin has made it so far. However, as great as an injustice this is to the world, Cowan should maybe invest in a remote control before he shoots the TV.

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