top five picks of the week

Counting down the Top 5 places in Montreal in which to hide from a zombie apocalypse (Bonus Round, top 22 idioms including dead and kill)

By Carl Perks

The holidays upcoming, it’s time to pull out your guns and talk about a forthcoming zombie apocalypse. We have all watched movies and giggled at the death of Bill Murray in Zombieland but if you really think that you can take your survival tips from undead flicks, you are dead wrong. Food and shelter are primordial in preventing yourself from ending up stone dead. Guns, clothes and all the rest are just fluff; you will end up as dead meat even if you’re dressed to kill. Now, assuming that you are a resident of Montreal, I have made a list of hideouts in the nearby region to keep you a dead man walking… that’s still walking.
#5 Your roof
Though your house is probably not a weapon stockpile and your fridge a horn of plenty, if caught dead, your roof is the most accessible temporary safe haven you will find. Now smash down all your stairs to prevent zombies from climbing up with you (those zombies are some clumsy sucka’s) and bring all your supplies to the uppermost part of your abode… and stay there! You must be as silent as possible as not to attract attention, be dead to the world. If you ever think of getting down to take a look at the situation, stop dead on your tracks, curiosity killed the cat. Once your supplies are almost out, try to make a run for one of the following places.
#4 Costco
It’s not the Umbrella corporation facilities, but there is only one door, food for years, tents, cooking supplies, the walls wouldn’t even smash if ran into by a plane (WTF zombies on a plane!?) and even normal people get lost in there. It has food and sustainable supplies, kill two birds with one stone, and if ever other survivors show up, you can make a killing selling them your extra supplies.
#3 The Concordia Dome
It’s a gigantic dome shaped like a marshmallow. It only has two entrances and is dead right for those surviving a zombie apocalypse and trying to stay in shape. It’s shaped like food so zombies will see it as a dead-end and steer clear of it.
#2 The prison next to the detention centre in Laval
The walls are of stone and 30ft tall, there is a moat around it, there are fences lined with barbwire, gun supplies and despite all that your chances are still dead even. With all that protection you don’t have to kill the radio, make some noise, have fun with your friends, keep you worries away and kill time by shooting the helpless zombies outside. Knock em’ dead!
#1 The Plant office
Don’t put up with the dead air; come spend your days of apocalypse with us in the plant office. Your worries will be dead and buried. We only have one door and those resuscitated buggers aren’t even getting in over our dead bodies. Bring your friends, your girlfriend (even if it’s just a dying flame) and your family and sit back with us in the safest of havens.


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