Dawson’s Finest

By Maya Malkin

For those of you who didn’t happen to pick up a copy of last week’s paper, Faheezy a.k.a. the man with the slicked back hair who stands in the atrium complimenting girls, wrote a response to my constant complaints about him in my column throughout the semester. So this week I thought I should comment on it, just because I can’t get enough of this guy. (I feel like I could have written about him every week and I wouldn’t be bored yet). Anyways here it is:

Dear Faheezy, I read over your response, and I understand your argument. However, you are blind to how girls perceive you in the school. Do you honestly think when they hear you yelling at them they think, “Oh hey, there’s that charmingly nice guy with slicked back hair that compliments every girl and makes their day amazing”? The answer is no Faheezy. I’m sorry to say that’s not the case. They think “Oh God, it’s that guy.”

It’s gotten to the point where getting a compliment from you is almost an insult or even annoying because you’re just the guy who tells every girl she’s hot, you’re just the guy who stands in a group of dudes in the atrium and does this every day. Girls who take the time to look good don’t necessarily WANT you to comment on them. Did you ever think of that? We know who you are. It means a lot more to get a compliment from someone who doesn’t stand in the atrium and spend his days trying to specialize in telling girls they look good, someone who honestly thinks that you in particular look good. This doesn’t make girls selfish. It’s just how we are. This makes girls normal.

As for woman of the week, I wish you good luck with that. I look forward to seeing your candidates.

– Mayeezy

Anyways. Honestly, this whole charade is not a big deal because there are definitely better and worse things in the world than Faheezy in particular. My initial complaint on him was not meant as a personal attack, simply something I noticed about Dawson men.

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