By: Dahlia Belinsky

A German woman named Nicole Juliana Schrei-Jakobi has started a company that makes wedding apparel for dogs. For males, a tuxedo with a tie and for females, bridal dresses with a veil. This is perfect timing as Schrei-Jakobi is getting married soon and her dog is the sole bridesmaid. It would be safe to assume that the groom is also a dog.

Friday, was national punctuation day and its in it’s seventh year of celebration, apparently the founder Jeff Rubin made the day official because their are too many people making elementary school grammar and spelling errors in college. Make sure Dawson that you’re essays are always proof read. I think this News Bite made several people want to gauge out there eyes.

A female teacher from the US is being sent to jail for up to ten years for hosting teenage sex parties. She supplied the boys with alcohol, marijuana, and even had sex with some of the victims. However, they were over the age of consent so she is not being charged for those offences. The teacher worked at Lake Bowen Baptist Church. Kids, don’t go home with people from the church, just don’t.

On Monday, the boss of the Segway company, James Heselden, died at the age of 62. He accidentally rode his Segway off a cliff while he was in his home in Northern England. This stuff just writes itself.

Obama retaliates to President of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s comment that 9/11 was orchestrated by the US government. Obama describes the statement as offensive and hateful. Ahmadinejad being offensive and hateful? That’s unheard, besides him saying 9/11 was an inside job goes hand in hand with his belief that the Holocaust didn’t actually happen.

Facebook suffered its worst crash in four years last week. People trying to access Facebook were brought to a page saying “Network Error (dns_server_failure)”. The problem spread to Twitter as the trending topics varied between ‘Facebook is broken’, ‘DNS’, and ‘Network Error’. For two and a half hours no one was lurked and homework might have actually been done.

Police in Ireland are sending teenagers under the age of 18 to pubs. If any alcohol is sold to them the pub will be closed for an undetermined amount of time and will have to pay multiple fines. Lets hope Montreal police never get this idea or else all the depanneurs in the city will be shut down and hundreds of families will have no source of income.

Scientists in Washington have found proof that maybe Moses didn’t part the Red Sea. Rather, it was strong east winds that pushed the water back as described in the Torah and the Bible. Wait, so Moses didn’t part the Red Sea? Does that mean that during the 10 Plagues the water wasn’t turned to blood and that darkness didn’t cover Egypt for three days?

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