4th and Long

By Chris Pike

The Arizona Cardinals got destroyed on Sunday against the Atlanta Falcons. Derek Anderson passed for 161 yards and threw no touchdowns. Looks like Matt Leinhart may be able to play after all, or maybe Arizona should just look for a new quarterback. Someone like Mark Sanchez perhaps? Nevermind, Arizona state police would just deport him.

Brett Favre had an absolutely terrible game against the Miami Dolphins as he threw three interceptions and no touchdowns. It looks like post-season Brett Favre has shown up early this year. Although I guess he’s still pretty impressive considering most people his age are dead.

Michael Vick started in his first game since 2006 against the Detroit Lions. He had an incredible performance as he threw two touchdowns and 284 yards. Does anyone know if the Eagles somehow put it in Vick’s contract that if he didn’t play well they’d send him back to prison?

The second ever Manning Bowl, aka The “Who does Archie Manning Love more?” Bowl, happened last Sunday and Peyton’s Colts whooped Eli’s Giants 38-14. After the game Peyton and Eli shook hands and exchanged words. The Manning family then drove home together where Eli complained about his car seat, Peyton told his little brother to stop making faces at him and Archie threatened to turn the damn car around.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are 2-0 after winning against both the Browns and the Panthers. If the Bucs can keep this up then they’ll have a really good shot at clinching 29th place this year.

The Pittsburgh Steelers won again last week. Who knew that a football team could win with only nine pro-bowlers instead of their usual 10?

The Calgary Flames are looking to perform a lot better this season by putting captain Jerome Iginla on the same line as new, or should I say old, teammates Alex Tanguay and Olli Jokinen. Darryl Sutter is also planning on bringing back Joe Nieuwendyk and Lanny McDonald to play for the Flames as well.

Braylon Edwards of the New York Jets was arrested and charged with a DWI a few nights ago. Jets fans can now take solice is the fact that Edwards wasn’t dropping passes because he’s a terrible receiver, but because he’s a drunk.
Kari Lehtonen, goalie for the Dallas Stars recently released a picture of his mask’s new paintjob. Both sides of the helmet have Chuck Norris on them. Kari Lehtonen is now a certfied badass motherfucker.

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