top five picks of the week

Counting down the top 5 masked horror villains

By Chris Pike

I know that Halloween is more than a month away, but I’m the kind of guy who thinks that anytime of the year is a good time to get scared shitless. So what’s scarier than a man in a mask trying to viciously murder you? Maybe your girlfriend on her period, but since that won’t happen for another few days here are the Top five Masked Horror Villains.

#5 Ghostface from Scream
Okay, so Ghostface isn’t really all that scary and very few people remember these Wes Craven crapfests from the 90’s, but he’s the generic model for masked killers and for that we thank him.
#4 The Strangers from The Strangers
While there are three masked killers in this movie the one that stands out for everyone is Sack Face. That might not be his official name but it’s for damn sure that he’s wearing a sack on his face. The first time I saw the trailer for this movie I  nearly emptied the contents of my colon into my pants. He is the reason why you don’t go out to a house in the middle of nowhere with your girlfriend to have a romantic weekend. So next time she says to you “Why don’t we have a weekend getaway?” you can tell her “because I’d rather not be murdered by psychopaths.”
#3 Michael Myers from Halloween
A guy who’s murdered his sister, been shot, and burned up countless times definitely deserves a spot on this list. Like any good recurring slasher villain he’s basically unkillable. He also wears a mask of William Shatner’s face and really if you were going to murder people would you want to do it with Shatner’s face on? Yeah, I thought so.
#2 Jason Vorhees from Friday the 13th
Just as unkillable as Mr Myers what sets Jason apart is his depth as a character. Hear me out here, how many mass murdering movie villains have mommy issues? All of them you say? … Yeah, so Jason isn’t any different, but he does wear that awesome hockey mask and decapitate people with an industrial sized machete.
#1 Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Leatherface is the creepiest, most terrifying, most disgusting and most brutal horror movie killer of all time. He’s got the best weapon out of any killer on this list, the chainsaw, and arguably the best mask (the Shatner mask could give him a run for his money though). It’s made of human skin stitched together. Yeah, he’s definitely the best, I mean, except for the fact that a crippled tortoise could outrun him and thus he poses no actual threat to anyone who has the brains to stay the fuck away from his house.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s