Counting down the top 5 places to puke
By: Chris Pike
Unfortunately for all of us summer has come and gone and sadly this means that most of us will be doing a lot less drinking and some of us will continue on our paths to inevitable liver failure. Something everyone who has done even a little bit of drinking knows is that there is puke, lots of puke. So here are the Top Five places to blow chunks at the end of the night.
#5 The porch of someone you hate
While you might have to take a bit of a detour on your drunken cab ride home, but if you can hold those seven tequila shots for a few extra minutes then you can give someone who’s wronged you a disgusting surprise. Bonus points if you’re a violent puker and you wake someone up due to the sheer volume of the act and while you drive away, they’re left out in the cold standing in your mess.
#4 The middle of the street
How fucking hardcore are you? You’re so hardcore you want everyone to know how hard you party as well as what you ate for dinner (if you even ate dinner, that’s how hardcore you are). Some people might make faces and say that you’re disgusting for not only puking, but also doing so in a public setting. You know what you say to those people? Nothing, because you’re puking. So. Hardcore.
#3 In a barf bag
This one has less to do with drinking and more to do with those weird people who get sick on planes and boats. Oh who am I kidding, they’re for booze cruises and whoever loses the “I can drink the most tiny bottles of Jack” on long flights. Those things have saved many of us from the putrid stench of regurgitated gin and tonics and have been the bane of stewardesses’ existence since they were introduced on commercial flights.
#2 Your/your friend’s purse
This one only applies to all you ladies out there. Your own personal barf bag is sitting right next to you in the cab home. Just make sure you don’t get it all over your Blackberry, tampons and all that other crap you carry in those things.
#1 The Toilet
The classic. Talking to God through a porcelain telephone. This is the perfect time to rethink your drinking strategy for the next time you go out. Or if you’re lucky enough to have someone taking care of you while you remove the poison from your stomach, the time to shout random things because, let’s face it, you’re shitfaced.