I’M HIGH

Contrarily to what I’ve written in the past, these articles will not be about my sexual exploits. I’ve decided to write a weekly column about one of my other passions: marijuana.

So before I jump into this series of articles and enlighten about the world of kronic, I feel like it’s necessary for me to give you some background to my blazing experience.

I first came into contact with weed at the tender age of 12. My parents were invited to a dinner party and they didn’t have a babysitter for me so I was brought along. Upon arrival, I meet the eldest daughter of my parent’s friends. She was very friendly and said I could hang out with her. We went up to her room and on her desk was a zip-loc filled with several green nuggets. I was puzzled, so I asked:
“Hey, what’s that?”

She laughed and answered: “Kid, this is what makes the world go round.”

She rolled a huge dubbie and told me to come with her into the bathroom. I still had no idea what was going on. She put the joint in my mouth and said:
“So I’m going to light this now and when I say go I want you to inhale. OK?”

So let’s pause for a second and assess the situation. I’m twelve, I weigh like 90 pounds, there aren’t any windows in this bathroom and the put a towel at the base of the door so no air can circulate. She sparks the joint for me and told me to inhale. Then she told me to hold it in as long as I could. So, I didn’t know how much to inhale so obviously I took like the biggest hit ever and held that in for about five seconds before coughing for 15 minutes.

Most people often say that they never get high the first time they smoke. Well let me tell you I got fucking high! I was more fucked than your dad at his bachelor party. I had no idea I was in a room that was being hot-boxed. Then we just sat in the smoky bathroom for an extra 10 minutes and then she said it was time to eat. Next thing I know, I’m running around this mansion totally blazed out of skull talking to people that I don’t know about God only knows what and eating fucking everything I can get my hands on and then passing out an hour later.

I smoked on occasion in high school while all my best friends were getting high on a regular basis starting in grade 10. I managed to resist till about February of this year. Since then, I’ve been getting high daily and loving every second of it. At this point, I’m a weed connoisseur. There isn’t very much I don’t know about cannabis at this point. The only thing left for me to do is visit Amsterdam. Even with all this blazing, I maintain a very respectable average in all of my classes and my parents still haven’t figured it out, but they will one day.

To conclude this first article, I would just like to notify the stoner community at Dawson that Wood Park is no longer a safe place to blaze anymore. The houses that surround that park have complained to the police that too many kids are smoking weed in their park. Rumours of undercover cop operations will begin in late September. It’s a shame to because Wood is so handy too.

Peace and Ganja,
Lapin Chaud

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