If any of you have been watching How I Met Your Mother as avidly as I have, you have heard of the Reacher/Settler dilemma. Your first assumption might lead towards it being a vogue magazine sham treacherously masquerading as entropy (e.g. Bullshit) but, after breaking down the gist of many couples’ conversations on the matter; I have come to consider it as a rather accurate theory for explaining the intricacies of how many relationships play out.
Now for those of you who have never heard of the Reacher and Settler theory, it dictates that in every relationship, there is one person who is settling with someone. That is to say, being with someone of a lower standard of beauty than they would normally be capable of being with. An example of this would be, if we rely on the infallible 1-10 scale, an 8 would resolve to date a 6. It also supposes that there is always one person who is reaching for someone with better looks, a higher social stance or anything that would equate to them being more socially, and physically desirable than the aforementioned Reacher.
This is not rocket science, or any viable researched theory for that matter. It’s not elaborate enough for us to tell whether someone is qualified as ‘‘more desirable’’ than his or her partner, from their partner’s perspective, or the general populations. It also doesn’t lead to any information about a said ‘‘middle ground’’ in which both mates are of equal value on the previously discussed numerical scale. Most couples would say, either in humility, or in sincerity, that they are of equal value. In an ideal relationship, both lovers would admit to being the Reacher, and consider their second half as the Settler.
It is uncertain whether intelligence or level of interest is equated in the scale, can an agile-minded, quick-witted, rich and well travelled guy with limited physical stature qualify as a Settler? I would tend towards saying that in men, looks can take the back burner. Men can rely on factors like confidence, charm and social position, whilst women are dragged by the underlying social factor of appearance.
In men, sex appeal is 50% of what you have, and the other 50% is what others believe you to have. In women, you carry it everywhere you go, and peers encourage you to keep it to a high standard. That’s why women feel obliged to wear makeup and dress well, your basically a walking billboard.
Most women agree that men who consider themselves as settlers are either self-indulged metro-sexuals, or douche bags.
But, does this mean that men are not allowed self confidence? Generally, good looks come with a lack of compensation in other aspects; attractive people use their physical appearance as a leg to stand on, making settling a perfect alternative for a deeper relationship that is not solely based on shallow ideals.
But don’t beat yourself up if you’re a Reacher, congratulate yourself on your attractive acquisition. At least you’re not a monger.
So, are you a Reacher or a Settler?