Word In The Herd

How would you survive the Zombie apocalypse?

“Try to befriend them and create peace”
-Francesca L. Social Science, Second Semester
Okay. We’re talking about flesh eating zombies taking over the world and you want to go out and have a tea party and sing songs with them? You’re the first to go. Thank god for natural selection, you fucking hippie.

“I would hide in a bank, guarded by robots.”
-Holly S. Literature, First Semester
You first semester lit kids make me tear. Did you answer this because you just finish reading some fancy sci-fi novel and you wanted to give a fancy lit kid answer to a really simple question? Who the hell thinks of hiding in a bank when the world is being taken over by the living dead…

“I’d follow Columbus’ rules.”
-Robin K. Graphic Design, Second Semester
Talahasee is the way to go. Enjoy the little things. The rest is common sense; if you’re a fatty, you will die. If you go to take a shit in a sketchy road side bathroom and don’t check the stalls, you deserve to be eaten alive. And of course, Double Tap.

“I’d fucking pretend I were a zombie.”
-Louis , General Social, Second Semester
Oh that’s really creative. I got this answer like twenty times. But really it’s a pretty terrible idea to pretend to be a Zombie when there’s others going around with shotguns and sledge hammers ready to strike. Didn’t you see what happened to Bill Murray?

“I would banish them to the shadow realm.”
-Jason, Sixth Semester, Health Science
So you plan on throwing Yu-Gi-Oh cards at them? Is this your idea of Chaos Control? The sad part about all of this is that geeks like you would survive. You’ll go crazy and pull out your Larping skills, get your DND buddies together in a basement somewhere and come up with elaborate plans to protect your first editions. Critical fail.

“I’d hide out in a strip club. They have strippers and a buffet.”
-Justin B. Second Semester, North/South
Zombie strippers, rotten buffet food…unless you plan on defending yourself with your own semen…you picked a real classy place to die.

“I’d break into Wal-Mart and turn that bitch into a fortress.”
-Christine D. Second Semester, General Social
Chris Pike, I can’t believe you used a fake name and pretended to be a chick to give this answer. No girl at Dawson would have answered this way. I approve of your choice, however, good luck holding down the fort on your own.

“Use the members of the Plant as a decoy and run away.”
-James, Fourth Semester, Pure and Applied Science
My fellow Planters would not be anywhere near you when the zombie apocalypse breaks out. We’ll be watching from our barricades with grins and choice words as you’re being ripped to shreds by Hunters. We have pizza pockets and Arizonas to last us a lifetime.

“Run.”
-Clark K. First Semester, Visual Arts
You are such a fucking pussy. Ever hear of running zombies? You cannot outrun zombies. You know what? I changed my mind. YOU’RE the first to go. Hippie girl’s next.


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