Questions? Leave It To The Skanks

Dear Skanks,
My boyfriend likes me to shower his dick with spit when I’m going down on him, but I start to choke and I get dehydrated. How much spit is too much spit?

From Drowning/ Literature/ 3rd semester

Dear Drowning,
First of all, there is no such thing as too much spit. If your boyfriend wants a lake of your saliva on his abdomen, then maybe he’s just that into you. If you’re having trouble providing it though, you can purchase a saliva collection device, which vacuums the spit out of your mouth and stores it for future use. Another thing you can do is become best friends with lube. Sure, it’s gross, but if you’re willing to choke on this guy’s dick, then we’re guessing you don’t mind the taste of KY jelly. If it were us though, we’d blindfold this guy, stick him in a bath, grab our keys and bounce.

Xoxox Skanks

Dear Skanks,
My girlfriend is always running her hands through my hair and telling me how nice it is. The other day, when she was in the bathroom, I found a pile of my hair in her desk drawer. Should I be freaked out?

From  Hair Whore/ General Social/ 4th semester

Dear Hair Whore,
What are the other plausible explanations for your girlfriend having a pile of your hair in her desk? Maybe she’s collecting hair to make a wig for sick people, maybe she’s making a sculpture of a wolf and your hair is just the right shade, or maybe she’s just a total freak. So should you be completely creeped out? Uhh, yeah. If, for some reason, you want to keep hooking up with her because she has some VERY deeply hidden qualities, then our advice for you is to just shave it all off. Wax it, even. Or maybe just collect a pile of her hair, and see how she likes it.
­
Xoxox Skanks

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