RANTS OF THE WEEK

Bro!Me, you, i

by Audrey Meubus

Being a cable deprived individual with only six channels and bunny ears, I have been spared many brain numbing MTV creations. Recently, however, I decided to investigate the controversial show that has been spreading virally over the Internet; Jersey Shore.

For those of you who may live under a rock and are unaware of what Jersey Shore is…good for you. You have avoided the worst. This show is about a bunch of eight spray tanned, Italian American young adults acting like they’re sixteen again on the New Jersey Shore.
Because this is a very classy reality TV show, each of these “guidos” and “guidettes” have annoying nicknames and abrasive personalities, like Mike “The Situation”,  Jenni “JWoww” (with two Ws, of course) and the most infamous of them all, Nicole  aka “Snooki”.
Although the members of the cast have insisted that they are not giving Italians a bad name, I am pretty certain that they are. Watching them pick up girls in clubs and “beat the beat” was like watching a bunch of cavemen figure out how to make fire.
But wait, Jersey Shore is not all about partying and “falling in love” with each other, they also have to keep a job selling Ed Hardy shirts and follow the “rules” of the house, or they’re out. What a wonderful learning experience for all of them. They must feel really grown up and their mothers must be so proud.
If there was one saving grace about this show, it had to be Snooki. I kept watching just to see what dumb thing this little orange oompa loompa would do next, and she did not disappoint me. Truly, cartwheels in a short dress and a thong are the ultimate party move.
Is this what television has gone to? By the third episode of the season, 2.481 million viewers tuned in to see Snooki get punched in the face. At this point, I don’t know whether to laugh, to be shocked or to simply cry because of the state of modern entertainment.
I wish I could say that Jersey Shore could be an acceptable show to watch as a guilty pleasure, but even watched in secret, this show makes my eyes bleed. When asked about the controversy that the show has sparked among Italian communities, Snooki had some wise words to share with the world,
“[…] they don’t understand that ‘guidos’ and ‘guidettes’ are good-looking people that, you know, like to make a scene and be center of attention and just take care of themselves…”

Oh Snooki, you are one articulate young lady.

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