SHUT UP and Drink UP MOFO!

by Tanya Boyce

Alcohol consumption is one of those activities that the older generation always uses to comment on the immaturity of students.
It’s understandable why some would not want to be identified with the clan of obnoxious morons who like to urinate in bizarre places; but, don’t criticize them. Sure, alcohol is the substance that can make us look like dimwitted donkeys by the end of the night, but it’s been around since the Stone Age. Mankind was made to thoroughly enjoy alcohol. Back in c. 10,000 BC, a hairy ape-man wielding a club brilliantly left out his mushy porridge mix until it fermented into something slightly alcoholic. After consuming the mixture, and realizing its effects, he further explored the process. Thus, the birth of booze!

Some might consider the excessive alcohol intake of students to be an irritating issue. They might think that stealing street signs, hanging our underwear in public places, making inappropriate dares, and shouting out the lyrics of overplayed mainstream songs are idiotic activities. But, we’re just enthusiastically expressing our appreciation for booze. In fact, the Ancient Egyptians did it too. On a daily basis, the Egyptians would worship the god Osiris for inventing beer and believed that the substance was a necessity of life.
Students are often portrayed as inconsiderate delinquents with money to burn. However, many students are overwhelmed with numerous commitments alongside their studies. It’s tiring to be labeled with the same accusation about being thoughtless brutes with nothing better to do than hope we don’t get the last King card in a game of Kings.

Students are continually under pressure. We have to manage our money and time; we have to deal with foolish drama and gossip; we have to keep up academically and maintain a social life; and, new responsibilities and expectations are constantly being thrust upon us. So, when we go out with plans to guzzle down an excessive amount of alcohol, it’s to relieve ourselves from the absurdly restricted lifestyle that others expect us to follow.
Don’t tell us to exceed our boundaries and then create other boundaries for what is appropriate collegial behavior and what is not. We will continue to take our beer pong more seriously than figures of authority. We will continue to use alcohol as a social lubricant. We will ensure that there will be puke in inconvenient places and we will wake up in foreign situations wondering why we’re only left with our socks on. And, we will not be criticized.

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