Get off the road!
by Aly Henstridge
I’m just going to put it out there… Everybody NEEDS to learn how to drive properly. I’m tired of having to swerve out of my lane, jeopardizing my life, just because some guys can’t tell the difference between the gas and the brake.
There are many things that I can’t stand on the road: People who drive under the speed limit in the passing lane, people who can’t decide what lane they want and therefore take up two, people who don’t use their flashers before changing lanes, and people who tailgate at high speeds. If you are one of the above, make sure you’re not in my way when I am on the road, because I will not just yell profanities at you through my windshield or make ridiculous hand gestures. Let me elaborate. . .
Just last week as I was driving home, I spot a guy in the next lane step on his brakes to let some kid in daddy’s brand new car pull out. This kid pulls out all the way into my lane and, if there had been a third lane, he would have chosen that one. Luckily for that kid and for the others in the neighbourhood, there was a cement wall stopping him from diving into the Décarie Expressway. So, not only does he cut me off and ruin his daddy’s bumper, but he also has the nerve to keep swerving all over the road. Clearly, he was coming from a night out at his favourite bar. So, as this guy continues to swerve in and out of the lanes, I pull over and call the cops to report the drunken disaster. About a kilometre later, the dumb kid gets pulled over. Case closed! A victory smile comes across my face and I know I’ve made the road a safer place and, hopefully, taught that dumb kid a lesson before he killed someone and really messed up his life.
Last warning, I’m a bitch on the road! No, I’m not an angry driver, I just hate stupidity. So, if you can’t turn without taking out three cars, or if you think you can get away with a drunken escapade, think again, because whether it’s the middle of the afternoon or the deepest, darkest hours of the night, I will call you in. You’ve been warned…