Questions? Leave it to the…Skanks!


Dear Skanks,
I’m recently lost my virginity to another virgin. I heard that if I have sex with a virgin I couldn’t get pregnant. Is that true?
Virgin Mary/ Social Sciences/ Second Semester

Dear Virgin Mary,
Umm…you’re an idiot. I can’t help you. I refuse to help you. I don’t really want to answer this question because I hope it’s a joke. If it’s not a joke I feel incredibly bad for you. Honey, you are a sad case… First of all NEVER lose your virginity to another virgin. It is always an awkward time and is a horrible first impression of sex. Secondly, YES YOU CAN GET PREGNANT! It is a penis after all. Virgin or not a penis will always try to get you pregnant. Your friends are cruel, cruel people. Find new friends, find a book, and find yourself a good lay so you can experience the wonderfulness of actual sex.  

Dear Skanks,
Should I go get an STI check if I took part in an orgy?
Gang Banger/Cin Com/Second Semester
Dear Gang Banger,
If you’re going to have sex with multiple people getting an STI test is always a good idea. Make sure you’re clean and healthy so you can go on humping millions of people at a time. I must say, you are a star! You’re in second semester and you’re having orgies?! That is impressive. You’re like the next Tiger Woods. I like you and your skanky ways. You should come work for me at The Plant.

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