4th and long


by Sean Tepper
ESPN has suspended host Tony Kornheiser from his television talk show Pardon the Interruption for the next two weeks.  Kornheiser, who is one of ESPN’s more popular talk show hosts as been sidelined after he described an outfit that Sportscenter host Hannah Storm was wearing as “horrifying,” saying her shirt was too tight and it looked “like she has sausage casing wrapping around her upper body.” Kornheiser apologized saying that “If you put a live microphone in front of somebody, eventually that person will say something wrong. This was one of the times I said something wrong.” What if he was right though?
A ballpark in Michigan began selling chocolate covered bacon at concession stands. Only in America. 
The Kansas City Royals’ beloved Mascot Sluggerrr the Lion has been accused of poking a fan’s eye out with a hot dog during a baseball game that took place last year.  Seeing as how this happened in America, the Royals are being sued for $25,000.  The lawsuit states that at a game on September 8, 2009, Slugger “climbed atop the third base dugout and started shooting hotdogs into the stands from an air gun.” Apparently, Slugger did put the air gun down, and started throwing hot dogs by hand. The lawsuit also states that “Slugger lost control of his throw or was reckless with his throw, and threw the hotdog directly into the Plaintiff.” If there is a lesson to be learned from this, it is that only women should be handling wieners. 
Apparently the Dalai Lama said that he never heard of sex-addict and former golfer Tiger Woods. 
The Olympics should add a new event, as 14,000 people gathered around a slope in front of Braunlage’s town hall in Germany to watch 30 contestants sled down the slope. The contestants that mostly consisted of super hot German girls were all naked. While the local mayor was not very happy about the event every single man on the planet was extremely excited for the pictures of the event to go up on the internet.  
To keep up with the naked theme, former University of Michigan player Dommanic Ingerson jumped into Oakland’s Lake Merritt to swim away from police because he reportedly robbed two women in downtown Oakland. To swim faster, Ingerson got rid of all of his clothes and when police caught him on the other side of the lake, he was butt naked.

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