Dear sexy people of Dawson,
(All you uggos can turn the page now, you are not wanted here. K thanks, bye.)
Valentine’s Day is my favourite day of the year because I know that a lot of people will be getting laid that night. Sex is a wonderful thing and I am happy to know that people everywhere are having wonderful SEX… well not everybody, but the good looking ones anyway.
I also enjoy Valentine’s Day because it means I have a lot of plans with a lot of different men with lots of MONEY! I have planned my evening to maximize penetration. I have four dates planned on the 14: a breakfast date, a lunch date, a dinner date, and finally a late-night bar…date (WTV I’m going out for drinks. He’s paying so it’s a date…) These dates will end with my O-face, a quick shower and an “I love you” (to get him out of my house). I am incredibly excited!
So my advice for the day: don’t let the sappiness ruin the sexiness. If you are one of those sad little people who are looking for love, remember that Valentine’s Day is just an excuse to have lots of sex, not a day to find your lame-ass soul mate.
As Lady Gaga once said, “I have sex with sexy people.” You should all do the same.
So throw your inhibitions to the wind,
Spread those legs and swipe those credit cards,
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!
And remember to send flowers to 2C.10.